wisdom for the day

I don't regularly frequent coffee joints, but enjoy some hot chocolate now and again. Today, I noticed "the way I see it" on the cup and had to share. I love it.

"The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyrrany of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life."

How apt the advice is for so many areas of life. I find the kids can sense when I haven't "committed" to whatever I am saying. I am saying it but they can sense I am still internally arguing with myself. Mostly, I am posting it on here so I don't have to keep a moldy cup or keep track of a little piece of paper, but I hope you can glean something from it too. 

Magdelena Clare

My sweet baby girl is almost 11 months. She is becoming a person in her own right, and I am celebrating that! Maggie stands on her own now, and is taking a couple steps, if given the right incentives. She is learning to balance and squats and stands back up. This is preciously early for my family genes, and I am very thankful for such a gift! She weighs around 23 pounds and is growing out of her 12-18 month clothes by her length. Maggie does not communicate much yet, besides "mama" but we all seem to know what she wants. She loves the cats, her siblings, splashing in the bath, emptying things, pulling the shoes off the shoe rack, bending the flaps on books, her Music Together class, crawling in the street, going down stairs headfirst and many other endeavours that should not be publicized. We felt very prompted that her name should be Magdelena. It means "protected" and now we know why! We also know she is part of our family because she loves to eat, loves having bare feet, loves playing outside, hates to be tied down (ie. put in clothes or her car seat.) Magdelena smiles at everyone and is now showing off her 4 teeth that she just sprouted. She continues to sleep pretty well...for another mercy, I am thankful.

It has been a full year for me. Daunting, yet full and good; overwhelming yet growth inducing. She was not anticipated, but we can see the completeness she brings. Now and again I get a twinge of sadness that the baby stage is gone forever especially when I see a new baby stretch it's neck like a turtle, but I can honestly say that I am thankful to be able to "move on" (whatever that means!) God has richly blessed me. As the curtain on Magdelena's first year comes down, and the book of my twenties is nearly closed, I am thankful to know that God has it all worked out. 

Nothing deep.

This seems to be the season of nothing deep. I have actually been thinking about a lot of things that are quite "deep," but am having a hard time putting it all into words. So, here goes with my update as it is! We put in an offer on a house that would be PERFECT for our family, but have not heard anything and I am actually not very hopeful about it. Time will tell, and I am feeling very peaceful about it. I got the opportunity to go hear Lisa Whelchel speak this past weekend. It was wonderful to sit for 3+ hours, although the first hour was hard as I am not a good "sitter" anymore. I was inspired in my faith and journey, and am implementing some little improvements in my household. One thing is intentional time learning with the kids after school. It is my tiredest time of the day, but I am convinced that it is good. I used to designate it as my rest time, but I am trying to rest before they come home, and choose a book or quiet activity when they get home. So far, so good. I have actually really enjoyed it. On some level it is more surrender, but like all the other kinds of surrender; I can sense the fertile-ness of the time. My Bible Study on Esther has been choc-ful of amazing depth. Too much to fully digest, but I am loving it and am sad it is almost over. I have learned so much and am seeing ways that I am being changed as a result. I am also reading a book called "Too Small to Ignore," written by the CEO of Compassion International. It is very interesting and I am looking forward to curling up with it later tonight. My "daily walks" are not quite daily, but I am enjoying them in the glow of spring. I am varying where I walk and what I listen to, ie. sometimes myself and God, sometimes music. It helps to keep going and interested. The time change is making it hard to get up in the mornings, but I know we will adjust in due time. I have a number of sewing projects on the go. Too many. I love doing it but it makes me frustrated when I don't have time to achieve my goals on them. Sometimes it's better to have nothing extra, but then, it is boring to have nothing to escape to, since I gave up TV for lent. I have been teaching birth classes and will teach another "Preparing for Homebirth" class this weekend. It is also a fun distraction...This time of year has been very interesting for me. I sooo remember being nine months pregnant this time last year. I was on the home stretch of my 5th pregnancy. My allergies come up in March, clocks changing, thinking about Easter, helping mothers prepare for their births, it all reminds me of preparing to meet Magdelena. And here I am, on the otherside of it, waiting for her to walk, seeing the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel of no sleep etc. Time is a strange thing. I feel like the markers that I have are useful in my journey. They show where I came from and where I am going. I am hopeful. 

Life

Not much new going on here. Feels like we have some things in the works but the perfect timing has not come. I did get to go to my first "birth" since Maggie was born. Can't wait to start really moving in that direction once Maggie is old enough. Such a satisfying experience to learn new things each time and support a family as they move through such a surreal time of awe and growth. We are investigating finding a bigger house. 1400 square feet feels mighty small nowadays, and if there is anyone extra in the house, it makes me want to run away (not from my friends, but from the claustrophobia!) Of course, not a a straightforward process. It never is. I have been sewing some and loving it. I am also reading from time to time. I really get hooked if I start though, so it is slightly dangerous. The kids are...kids. Maggie is working on standing up without holding on. Susannah is watching her progress carefully, and keeps a chart of Maggie's  development on her bedroom wall. Probably because she thinks I am not. Surprisingly, I am. Jesse is charming his way into his sister's lives. The charm doesn't work so well with me though. I am pretty tired of it. This 3 year old likes to sneak and find his sister's Nintendo DS - he is amazingly good at both finding it and playing it. Did not get that ability from me. That is for certain. Abbey is reading pretty well now. She is definitely still easy going, but has developed a few habits, both emotionally and physically. Won't embarass her here, but suffice it to say, I'd be happy to say goodbye to them. Susannah loves her Upward basketball, and seems to be pretty happy in general. She loves anything to do with Maggie, and nothing to do with her chores. She also likes inviting her siblings for sleepovers in her room. Fun times, and no sleep is had by all. Myself included. Ok - here are a few photos from my "shoot" the other day...guess I wanted to update everyone. Good night!

This Season

"You can't amputate your history from your destiny."  Beth Moore

The middle of winter is hard for me...although California is rich in sunshine, the cold and relative darkness make me a little under the weather. Add to that, Maggie is having a hard time sleeping, and my life continues at a frenetic pace to keep up with what color plate everyone wants and the next installment of the fight to sit next to the baby in the car. I'm worn out. I bite off more than I can chew everyday. I used to feel like I could get a lot done. I can't. Just like I surrendered to birth my babies, I feel I need to surrender to my season anew everyday. There are moments though, that remind me what an honor and a privilege being the mother of 4 little ones is. Abbey learned to ride her bike; Maggie's finding her voice; Susannah's falling asleep with her nose in a book; Jesse's doing tricks. Watching our new president be inaugurated was a moment in history too. It gave me goosebumps. I love watching history in the making. While I have this season of surrender, my kids are starting down their road of life. What a journey it is...and I have a ringside seat. 

Braces off!

Susannah endured her time in train tracks with grace. She has always had such a beautiful smile. Now look at her, my beautiful big girl!

Time away

We were planning on having a beach getaway this week, but last week Maggie started sleeping terribly. The thought of all 6 of us in a motorhome with a terribly-sleeping-baby was enough to make me vomit...yuck. So I decided that I could stay with Mag, and Brandon could take the older kids. That's what happened. It was pretty exciting. I missed seeing them at the beach, and having family time, but what I got instead was priceless! I got to be a mama-of-1-baby. It definitely wasn't complete freedom, but it was as close as I am going to get. I did all kinds of things that I wouldn't have ever dreamed would be classified as "fun" - but they were. I sorted clothes, got rid of infant gadgets, washed the bathroom floors, scrubbed the bathrooms and kitchen, moved some furniture, did some paperwork and made some phonecalls. Funny, some long lost friends called during this time, and it was lovely to be able to talk without an update on how long I had been on the phone. I did watch a chick flick, and have dinner with friends too. The list goes on. I remember being the mom of 1 baby and being totally overwhelmed. But for these few days, I had time and space to think. I feel like I exist in my own head again. For the record, the kids had a great time at the beach, and Jesse came back without his attitude, and with a new found desire to stand to pee.  My husband really is amazing, I decided again. He didn't come back stressed at all after 2 nights in a motorhome with 3 kids. I would have been. For sure. So, back to real life we go. I filled up my gas tank tonight.