Monday, September 29, 2008

Birth: the play, and real life




I went to see "Birth: The Play" last night. Last year when I went I was about 13 weeks pregnant with Maggie. The play is intense in itself, but was made more intense by the anticipation of my fourth birth, and what that might be like. This year, I held Maggie securely in my arms as I watched the play. Being on the other side of my births is a lot more comfortable place to be in. Although I have the day to day anxiety of raising children, for some reason it is not nearly as intense and fraught with worry as the preparation for giving birth to my children. Being pregnant is not easy in anyway...the physical, emotional, psychological demands are tremendous and cannot be walked away from as the physical reminders are within one's own physical being. I watched with interest last night as the characters played out there pregnancies and birth experiences, but at the end of the night I could just walk away and not play them over and over in my mind. It reminded me that those of us who are on the other side of the threshold never to cross back over can give out advice like it's going out of style. However, we no longer are in the arena where the consequences of that advice have to play out...in otherwards the rubber doesn't have to hit the road. The gravity of the situation is not so intense for us.
The play did bring up some of the issues that I had with Maggie's birth. It was wonderful in that she was actually born - we were all starting to wonder 2.5 weeks after her due date. However, it was not nearly as serene as my previous 2 births, and was not what I expected. I pictured a dark, night with my daughters by my side, an intense and quick experience, preferably before my due date. Instead Magdelena was born in the daytime at the brightest part of the day, my children were all gone, and it lasted "forever!" Expectations play a huge role in determining how the mother sees the birth, and this was not it for me! 
So, in order to keep serving pregnant and laboring women, I need to remember to empty my cup that is full of all my personal birth issues. I also need to remember that what now seems kind of inane to me in my status as a "post-childbearing mother" was so grave and anxiety ridden in my time of trial. I hope and pray I never lose the ability to come alongside and be.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Susannah's famous!

Click here for the aforementioned picture of Susannah in the Fresno Bee!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I Choose!


I have been feeling more and more overwhelmed with my family. Maggie has been a sheer delight. Since the onset of her 6th month (4 days ago) she has started to be much more fussy. The dreaded teeth are coming, and she senses that there is more to life than mama and her where her next meal is coming from (it's sucked from the same source every time). When the baby is fussy, it seems that everyone else is more needy. I feel myself getting sucked in by a pit of guilt. Guilt for letting the kids watch more TV or play on the computer, guilt for not getting a full meal on the table, of course the list goes on. I am not usually a "guilt-y" type, but when it comes to the baby...guilt seems to accompany. Also in this phase I start feeling like i am not me. I don't have the time, energy or space to do the things that I enjoy doing...playing tennis, sewing, organizing pictures (or maybe even putting them in a album, God forbid!) I feel like I am so one dimensional

With all this in mind...I choose to ride the wave, to not get sucked into the guilt-pit, and instead know that we will not be tied to naps forever, that Maggie will one day be a functioning member of our family, and that I will be too. The kids will not be scarred by an over abundance of TV for a few days in Maggie's fussy phases. That we will all be ok. If you see me...remind me. I might forget to choose this tomorrow!

Hot Air Balloons




As is our custom, we went to see the hot air balloons take off in Old Town Clovis this morning. After a late night at a Sanger High football game, we woke everyone up at 6:15 and bundled everyone in the van. It wasn't as cold as it has been and we all enjoyed it. Well, except Susannah who was very upset that a photographer from the Fresno Bee took her picture and may be in the newspaper tomorrow. Some of us are old enough now to want to know the science behind the hot air balloons, so we got in our science lesson for the hour in the wee hours of the morning.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Immersion

ready for the first day of school

our Chinese immersion class

I have always been passionate about language. I grew up on the other side of the world, learning French and German, with the rest of the world close at hand. It is very different here in the USA. Although we live with other languages in our city, we are also it seems to become very culture centric. This scares me. Thankfully, there is the anti-dote. There are 3 Spanish immersion programs in Fresno Unified. My older 2 are attending one of them. Susannah is in 2nd grade - it is her 3rd year of it, and it is fabulous. Her teacher speaks 90% Spanish - and all the work right now is in Spanish - Math, Science, Social Science etc. She reads fluently, understands fully and is starting to speak more fluently. It is so cool. It makes my heart happy. They celebrate all the Mexican holidays with Fiestas and lessons explaining why. Abigael just started Kindergarten there and is thriving too. 
My friend is Chinese and started immersing her daughters in Chinese. Coinciding with that, she started once a week Chinese lessons. We went this week and had a blast. They are totally in tune with the immersion model and picked up the songs and rhymes easily. Jesse had a great time too. 
This is so important to me as I raise my kids, and I am soooo thankful that we have opportunities to learn about the rest of the world and gain the ability to communicate too.

Out with the old...in with the new


We outgrew our original Ellis-mobile! It was so cramped in our good old 2001 Mazda MPV we were losing loads off the top of our roof rack when we went on trips. After we got back from the bay area at the end of July we were fortunate to upgrade to a 2008 Toyota Sienna. We all love it. Especially the doors that can be opened by mama from the front. We have enough seats for my elaborate car pool plans, and enough storage for our trips (we just got back from Redding). So, out with the old, in with the new. 

My boy


I grew up in a family of girls, went to all girls schools, etc. etc. I wasn't too sure about having a boy. I guess I am not much more sure now, but I've had one for almost 3 years now, and he makes me laugh every day. He loves to go to the zoo, he loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, he loves his sisters, and snuggling with his mom. He loves playing frisbee and ball with Grandpa especially. The moon is a must-see every night with him. He is so independent and sure that he is 5 or 6...he learned to swim by himself this summer and goes all over the pool. He just started pre-school and Cubbies, and loves that. He has a very dry sense of humor. He makes me look at life outside of myself with a new lens. When I picked him up from pre-school on Tuesday he gave me the painting that he did. As I have with the girls, I asked him to tell me about his painting. With the girls I would get elaborate stories that would involve hand movements, facial expressions etc. However, he stated, "I painted it!" Ok, I guess that was an appropriate answer. It made me laugh. 

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Getting started


It's always hard for me to get started on things. That's how the perfectionist in me comes out. If I start something than I might fail...However, my sister just started a blog, and I am determined to do one too. So, here goes. It might be another 4 month period between posts, but I am going to do it. 
Today Maggie is 5 months old. I can't believe it. I love her so much, she has definitely added to our family in more ways than one. I feel so full with her. So blessed.